bring money and cleavage
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
