So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
