Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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