First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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