i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
