omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
