I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
