I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
