first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
