they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
