so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
