So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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