After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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