party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
