No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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