K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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