The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
