I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
