Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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