i was born a porn star she said
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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