He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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