hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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