After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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