The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
