Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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