So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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