I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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