i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
