I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
