Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
