It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
