i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
