Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
