I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
