go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
