We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
