She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
