ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
