P.S. I can't hear my feet
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
