Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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