the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
