My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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