3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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