You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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