I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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