You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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