Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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