we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
