Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
