new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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