I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
