Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
