my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
