Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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