Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
