i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
