dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
