Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
