I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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