***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
